There was something in his smile
Or maybe it was just the twinkle in his eyes.
I felt like I had seen him before
But my mind could not place him in the spots I casually explore.
Can he see me?
Does he know me too?
There was an eerie feeling about this place that afternoon.
The first thing I noticed about him was his steady tremble
But I did not want to stare
I could not draw the least bit of attention without it becoming detrimental.
The truth is, I have seen him in my dreams.
He visits me when I am alone
But he never leaves even a trace of cologne.
Are these only dreams
Or am I making things up again like they used to say.
I would wake up in these palely lit rooms
And I could never see out of the windows
Because they stayed closed too.
When I was only five
I was told that my friends were only in my head.
My best friend Penny had blonde hair
And when I think of her, I can’t help but smile.
She was beautiful and she never cared what people thought.
She would show up anywhere when I called.
I think that is why Penny was so close to me.
I finally had something he could not see.
Penny went away after a week in that place.
I never again saw her innocent face.
They took her away from me and I never understood.
How could this world be so cruel?
Why did they leave me feeling broken and out of control?
The man in my dreams was right across the room.
He stole my innocence and my best friend too.
I think about Penny every day
But I lost her when they made me change.
They said I could not stay this way
And now Penny is replaced with a white pill each day.
I know I should probably forget Penny even existed
But she was there for me when nobody else was.
I never knew what it was like to be normal
Because you stole that from me without a second thought.
Now I’m stuck here in this place that I wish was just a bad dream
But this is my life
This is me
….without my best friend Penny Mae.